The kid is junior high perhaps

The gun is not some falling aprt bluderbuss–but a new, steel loaded glock

I say I have cancer and liver issues and am alone–the very fears I have—and perhaps 75% true.

I tell him it is ok to waste me–5% true

I always imagined in this spot I would be deeply fearful, panicked—need to pee, uncomfortabel–but none of this is true

Anazingly I have the mexican words–I tell him he is a profound wonder and mystery, that he is loved deeply–and other things I have always hoped were true of me.

I wonder how I never did something like this myself.

Since I have been deeply decieved before to the great detriment of others, I feel I can get my arms around this guy and say–its ok joven…its ok.